my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
