try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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