I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
