wat bout pragnant strippers??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
