This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
