I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
