Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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