This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
