Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
