awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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