Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she was so not down for the gang bang
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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