my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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