Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
