By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
