need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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