i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
