A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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