Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
