So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
