Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
