just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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