I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
