I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
