Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
