am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize