It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
