btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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