Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
