I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
