fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
