I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Still dying that you shit outside
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
