she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
