Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
