Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
As shirtless as possible
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is Oprah even human
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
