No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
