Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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