Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
