you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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