NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
