I got her a Nickelback box set.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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