ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
