All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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