whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
