These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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