Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
