it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize