Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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