Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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