I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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