I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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