i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
