So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
