Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
