we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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