I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
