none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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