If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
