I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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