There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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