Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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