we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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