i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm like, not good at living.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
