I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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