If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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