I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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